learning to lose.

We have entered the stage in the boys' lives and interaction with each other where everything is a competition.  Everything.  From running down the stairs, to getting dressed, to zooming cars and building towers.  Even peeing is a race to see who gets done first.  So when I say everything   I mean everything.  We do have rules, of course.  No races when it comes to eating.  Or washing hands.  And no gloating or being a poor sport (although it seems we're constantly working on those aspects)

To be honest, when it all started my initial reaction was to just make them stop.  No competitions, period.  No races means no losers or winner, which means no tears or bad attitudes.  It just sounded so much easier.  But then I realized, without these "upsets" there was no teaching.  No training them up to be good sports about winning and losing.  And on top of all that.  They're boys, and even though I don't get it, they are wired to compete.  I don't want to change how God made them, I just want to train them how to have the self-control to race well, win graciously, and lose with grace.

To help me out with this (because even with all Drew can do, he just can't win when it comes to running up and down stairs or getting himself dressed!) I asked my mom to specifically get the boys games for Christmas.  Games were a sticking point for us.  If Evan were to sense he was loosing, he would ask to just stop playing.  Alternatively, if he felt he were winning, he'd constantly be checking with us to make sure he was still in the lead.  Both signs of some serious heart issues.  

So we received Chutes and Ladders (the quintessential winning/losing game for me!), some matching games, some card games, and dominoes.  And boy have we been working hard at those attitudes.  Trying to teach humility with a win, and good attitudes with a lose.  It's hard work.  But it's also great fun.

Here are a few pictures of us the other [extremely cold] afternoon.  I made some hot cocoa, pulled out some snacks and we played games.  We each one a round, and it was great.  Evan congratulated Drew and me when we won, and he followed the "1 won" rule: he only gets to tell us he won once.  (And he's not allowed to ask if he's winning during the game.)

I was talking to a friend recently about our families' struggle in this area and how we're trying to train the boys and why, and we got side tracked onto the subject of violence.  We both agreed that, again, the need to be physical and desire to protect is predominately hard-wired in the men folk, and little-men-folk alike, and we just don't get it.  But that doesn't mean it's bad or wrong.

Again, (and I don't speak from experience because my boys haven't hit this stage yet) I don't think I will tell them to not be physical ever, but I will try to instill in them restraint and self-control.  Teach them there is a time and a place for things -- proper and improper reactions.  Train them how to handle themselves appropriately.  Who knows what we'll do when that bridge appears, but I'm praying this training with winning and losing will be good practice.

And all this training of self-control can only be good practice for puberty, too, when Scot will be talking about "things" -- right?  Because if we use the logic (and excuse!) now that just because they're boys (and "hard-wired that way") they're allowed to always be rough and loud and mean and push, and don't teach them temperance and restraint, how on earth are they going to handle wild emotions and keep themselves in check when they're teens and girls are a constant thought!? (oh boy, am I so glad that's years away!)

Don't we want to start training them in the discipline of self-control now?  Teaching them in smaller, yet still appropriate ways, how to behave properly? That just because they're boys doesn't give them license to ruin things and run about like little hellions?  Yes.  Boys have energy they need to run off.  And yes, they like to crash cars into each other instead of playing with dollies.  And when they don't run their energy off they get feisty   But isn't there a place for rough-housing and running as well as sitting still when needed, being quiet, and being gentle with other people's possessions?  Exhibiting self-control?

Sorry to have gotten off on a tangent, there.

My point in all this is not to pretend the boys aren't wired the way they are, it's to train them how to handle themselves.  Right now, in our little world, we're dealing with competition and losing with grace.  And when we cross the other bridges that will require self-control and restraint, I'll be praying for grace, too.

where have we been?

we're here.

surviving the coldest week this year.

and we're busy -- as usual.

so here are some funny pictures and a few hilarious quotes.

Scot: Boys -- who left the toilet seat up?
Drew: uh. mommy.

Drew: Mom. God shoot animals.
Me:. Uh. No, He doesn't.
Drew: Yes. He does. God shoot animals,... 'cuz, 'cuz, 'cuz, He made clothes for Adam and Eve!

While we're at the dinner table:
Drew:  I'm going to eat a whale!
Me: Oh you are?  Well, eat your food whale boy.
Drew: (emphatically) I am not a whale.  I'm Drew.  Whale down here (points to under the table).  Whale needs to eat.  Pet the whale, mom.  It's soft.  So soft.  (turning to look under the table)  Hi, whale!

Needless to say, Drew's imagination is exploding and he's a hambone.  He likes to look in the mirror and talk to himself or others depending on what he's playing/pretend.  He loves to give hugs and kisses and asks me to dance with him every week.

****

Evan: I think when I grow up, I want a blue house.
Me: Hmmm...that sounds nice. I think I want a blue house, too.
Evan: Oh mom. When I'm adult, I'll call you and you can come over to my house. Especially if you don't have a blue house and I do. And my house will be fun...it'll be really REALLY full of toys.

(Our trees in the front and side yard were recently cut to the ground)
Evan: Oh mom.  Those poor trees.  The men are just killing them and now they're going to get chopped up and I won't get to look at them anymore.  That's just so sad!!

Me: (after buying clothes from a gal to round out Evan's 5T wardrobe) Man, I wish ladies did this whole exchange thing and I could just go out and buy a bunch of new clothes on the cheap!
Evan: Well, mom.  You don't always get what you want.

Evan is very much into being silly, lip-sinking, and pretend-playing with his brother.  At the same time, he is pensive and still our deep thinker. He loves to race his cars/trucks and, really, everything is a competition. He loves having "guy time" with Scot and playing secret games with Drew.

Peripety

About three years ago, Scot and I were heading to Tulsa, OK for residency.  At least, in our minds we were.  We were all set up for "the match" -- Scot had them down as his no. 1 choice, and we had been told he was their top pick.  The morning we were to find out dawned clear and bright and with an email informing us that Scot, in fact, did not match to Tulsa and had to scramble instead.  By the day's end, we knew we were moving to Cleveland.  A city we knew nothing about (and hadn't done the faintest bit of research on!) in a state I had to locate on the map (I had no idea how far east it was!).  (read more about that here)

The Lord, being exceedingly gracious, was having me go through a Bible study by Beth Moore at the time, and that particular week's study was on "Reversals of Destiny".  Or peripety.

peripety -n. - a sudden and unexpected change of fortune or reverse of circumstances

I remember how wonderful it was to go and sit with dear friends and sisters in the Lord and learn about how when your course in life changes, God's hand is surely in it.  The lesson stuck with me.  Even though I thought I knew what was best, and what the Lord had planned, He went and showed us very clearly what His plan really was.  And boy am I thankful for His plan.

Here in Ohio, we have made some of the dearest friends.  We have explored some great places.  We've eaten some seriously delicious ice cream.  We attend a fabulous church.  The list goes on, but you get my point.  I came here kicking and screaming and I'll leave the same way.

Peripety was brought to light again when we drove into Cleveland to find the house we rented (sight-unseen) was not ready for us and we had to scramble with a 4 week old to find the place we're in now. (that God-story is here)  As many times as I wish we could move to a different/nicer/newer/more insulated house, living here for three years has really taught me a lot.  About true hospitality.  About what essentials really are.  About my pride.  About trusting and relying on God fully, and remembering that He does have our best interest at heart.  This home has been a place of laughter and refuge.  It's kept us dry and warm.  Our kitchen nook has seen many a memory be made. I will easily say good-bye to it, but not without fond memories.

And peripety is the word of the week yet again.

Last week this time I was busy talking with our realtor.  I was writing down MLS numbers of houses we liked.  I was getting in touch with loan officers.  We were on the sure track to buying our first home.  

On Thursday I was talking with the "loosest" of all the lenders I had talked to.  You see, we were running into a snag.  Either on a state level or nationally, the laws concerning home loans and physicians has recently changed.  Long gone are the days where a signed contract was good enough for the lenders to give you a loan.  Oh no.  Now they require you to be working and have pay stubs to prove it.  In reality, a very good position to have.  Unless, of course, you are that physician who would really like to buy a home, but can't get the loan you want based on your current resident salary.

So now the realtor has been called and notified we won't be needing his services for another year.  And while I still have to talk to van lines, I won't have a drop-off address to give them for quite a few more months instead of weeks.  And we're going to rent.  Again.

Even though renting wasn't our first option, now that the "buying door" has been closed and we've been forced to step back, we are realizing how good it will be to rent for a year.  Yes, it kills us to be "throwing money away", but really, I can think of only one other negative in the situation.

The lone negative?  We'll have to move again after a year.  Sigh. The consolation?  By that time, we'll have family and friends to help us.  And an in-town move is really so much easier than one that crosses state lines!

The positives, though, are more each and every day.  Some of my favorites:

• After a year of saving even more, we'll, Lord willing, have enough to put down a full 20%
• We'll really get to know neighborhoods, stomping grounds, friends, and church location to make the best, most well informed decision
• I won't have to go through the process alone.  Scot will have the time and availability to do a lot of the financial/business side of things, and he'll get to help house hunt
• We will have time to look for a house instead of being constricted to just a couple weeks
• Once we buy, we'll have time to fix anything we need to before we move in

I'd been feeling a little odd, really, looking at nice big homes to buy when we live in a little, slightly-run-down, duplex.  I felt like I was skipping a step.  I was skipping that cute little single family home step.

Well.  Now we're taking that step (Lord willing).  We briefly toyed with the idea of living minimally for a year and renting a cracker-box 2 bedroom apartment and putting most of our stuff in storage.  As in, I mentioned it in passing as an option, Scot jumped on it, and I quickly moved on to more viable options for us as a family with 2 small, energetic boys, and Scot, who will be at home half the time and needing to study.  Thankfully, he liked the other options better, too.

So now I'm looking at cute mid-sized homes with back yards to rent.  Who knows what we'll end up in, but I have such a peace about renting. And buying will be so much easier and better in a year or so.  Of this, I'm sure.

So, thank you, Lord, for peripety.  For Your hand in our life guiding us where You would have us go.  And for making things so clear cut, even if it's not how I would have originally cut it.

Evan & DrEM

We've been busy lately.

January is my purge and organize month.

Add to that finding and contacting a realtor.  And discussing things with a lender.  And preparing our taxes.  Oh, and van lines.  And other sundry moving things.

And life.  Let's not forger the everyday going-ons with two boys.  Who are dropping their naps. In the winter.

Well.  Like I said, we've been busy.

So here's a picture-post to tide you over until something really blog-worthy comes along at the same time I have more of that precious commodity called time.

Evan wanted to make sure Drew's name was on his paper, too. 

The boys both love to dress up for church.  I love it.

I went through the boxes in the attic of Scot's childhood toys and brought some of them down.  Evan's had quite a great time with these little Army men.

Drew is still our ham-bone.  If you couldn't tell.

'lil ninja dudes

The boys each got a set of peg-boys in their stocking for Christmas.  It was a simple set: a ninja, a pirate, and a superhero.  They loved them all, but they adored the ninjas.  They can flip and fly, ya know.

So this afternoon, I took some of the left over peg-boys and paint and made them each a set of three.

They are going to be so excited when they wake up!